~By Dr. Paula Fellingham~
Paula here! Over my years of travelling and speaking around the world, I have learned that most women have very similar challenges in their lives. I dedicate my blog entries to all women who want to live more joyful lives and need some assistance and solutions… women who want to make positive changes in their personal lives and as mothers. In my blogs I address the most frequently-asked questions I receive at seminars and from webinars and emails. Here’s one:
Question: How do I let go of negativity from my past; mistakes I’ve made and people who have hurt me? How do I release myself from the past?
Everyone 30 and older regrets a ton of stuff – mistakes we’ve made; things we’ve said; ways we’ve handled relationships. We’ve all had painful experiences that we can easily recall. And well-meaning people (relatives, mostly) tell us to “just forget about it!” But how?
Truly, unless you lose your memory, you can’t totally forget. I’d like to suggest that you shouldn’t want to because all experiences can be for your good when you learn how to pull valuable life lessons out of the pain.
From painful experiences we learn what doesn’t work for us, and what does; what personalities we can and can’t work with. We learn that we can survive and be stronger because of the refiner’s fire we walked through. And we learn how to listen more carefully, appreciate more fully, and love more deeply. Yes, you are a better, stronger person today because of past mistakes. The trick is to take the best and discard the rest.
Here’s a powerfully effective way to release yourself from negative thoughts:
Prevent mental torment by stopping the anguish the moment it enters your mind. When the negative thought first presents itself like, “If I’d been there more often when my son was little we’d have a better relationship now. I was a bad mom.” LABEL it and say to yourself, “That’s negative.” Labeling a thought acts like a huge stop sign.
Then REPLACE the thought with a better one. Here’s a good replacement: “I made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time. I have more information now and I’ll do better in the future.” You didn’t try and make mistakes! Be kind to yourself. Get out of the past and into the future with self-talk that takes you there.
With all my love –
Dr. Paula Fellingham