“Creating Positive Change” Series – Part 8

By Dr. Paula Fellingham

This is the eighth blog in series of twelve called “How To Create Positive Change in Your Life”.

In my previous two blogs I discussed the ten ways we can create our own happiness. I’d like to review the eighth principle and give two examples, then provide principles nine and ten in this blog.

#8: Ignore Your Negative Thoughts

We all have thousands of thoughts each day. Some are going to be positive and productive, and others will be worrisome, fearful, covetous, etc. The question isn’t whether or not you’re going to have negative thoughts – we all do – it’s what you choose to do with the ones you have.

You really only have two choices. You can either worry about them, analyze them, think more and more about them, or you can dismiss them; let them go! When you have a thought – that’s all it is…just a thought. It can’t hurt you without your permission.

Think of your negative thought as a match which has just been lit. You can either blow it out immediately and stay healthy, or you can let it burn, hurt and scar you. The choice is yours.

Let’s look at two examples:

Karen, painfully shy, was completely convinced that her introversion and her low self-esteem were her parent’s fault. Karen bitterly explained, “My parents didn’t do a very good job, and that’s why I’m a social failure.”

Karen let the negative thoughts fester and wound her; convincing herself that she should indeed be unhappy. Instead, she should realize that although her childhood was difficult, IN THIS PRESENT MOMENT SHE HAS A CHOICE and can direct her thoughts. Another example:

Darrel and Katie had a quarrel just minutes before Darrel left for work. Darrel “blew out the match” and let the negative thoughts go soon after he left the house. Katie, on the other hand, was still stewing and angry about the issue when Darrel came home at 6:00 o’clock that night.

While Darrel was able to have a productive day, Katie didn’t get anything accomplished because she spent hours calling family and friends to complain and get advice. What she didn’t understand is that an argument that happens in the morning is no longer an actual argument, it’s a thought in your mind.

I’d also like to suggest we make an effort to

  1. Eliminate all negative expressions, no matter how benign they may seem because our subconscious minds take it all in – and anything negative becomes part of who we are. So get rid of little negatives that weaken you.


  • “I’ll never get through this – there’s so much to do!”
  • “If I didn’t have bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all!”
  • Yep – I knew it! Just when things were starting to go well, this had to happen.”
  1. Stop asking yourself bad questions and start asking good ones. Instead of:

“Why does this always happen to me?”

“Why can’t I ever remember names?”

“Why don’t they like me?”

Ask yourself:

“What could I do to make myself feel happier right now?”

“What can I learn from this that will make me a better person?”

“Who can I help today?”

By improving the words you consistently use you can immediately improve the quality of your thoughts, your emotions and your life.


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Ambassador Mohktar Lamani, Former Director of the OIC (working with all Islamic Nations) at the United Nations

“Paula Fellingham has the wonderful ability of empowering people to improve their lives and their relationships. As she strengthens individuals and families, she is strengthening communities and nations by providing solutions that work.”


Jill Donnelly, Former President of the World Movement of Mothers, Paris, France

“Paula, you’re doing wonderful things to strengthen families in America. The good work you’re doing is needed now, more than ever before in the history of our world, as we sadly watch the disintegration of the family. It’s happening in every nation on the face of the earth. If only we had more women like you to lead families toward a brighter tomorrow!”


Deneen Morgan-Burley, Baltimore, MD

“Paula, I want to take the time to thank you for doing this for WOMEN. We need all of the encouragement, mentoring, and uplifting that we can get. More importantly, however, we need the LOVE. That’s what each of us felt radiate from you. I am grateful that our paths crossed and we are now a part of one another’s lives. I am so happy and thankful to be able to step forward and serve. May we continue to let our light shine as we do all we must to continue to be “Women Helping Women to live Our Best Lives.” God bless you. Keep smiling and making a difference in the lives of other women.” 


Val McCloud – Savannah, GA

“The time has come. I’m on a fast track now. Much has manifested since the Global Women’s Summit in Savannah. I’m in the early steps of having my own television show, clothing line and specialty food/water product line. I’ve also recently partnered with Delta to promote and expand their global healthy initiatives. I am their official spokesperson and will participate in their annual {my first} 5K on May 17 in Atlanta.  All things are possible when we believe.”  


Linda Pringle Evans, Columbus, Ohio

“Things are going extremely well for me. I am blessed and I thank YOU and the Global Women’s Summit experience for assisting my journey. The connections I made are everlasting. Because of you I have realized my 5 core services and thanks to the Global Women’s Summit, God, and Paula, I have also found myself!”


Gail Page, CA

“What a fantastic two days! I learned and re-learned so much. How lucky we were to have you visit our town and share your gifts with us. You and your group changed lives and helped us remember what is good in the world. What a blessing to all of us that you came! Thank you so much.”