“Creating Positive Change” Series – Part 7

By Dr. Paula Fellingham

One of the things I’m discussing in this Blog Series is How to Create

Your Own Joy and Confidence. The first critical key is gratitude. We discussed gratitude in Blog #6 of this series.

The second way to create your own joy is to offer love and kindness to others.

Be others-centered.

Mother Teresa said, “Spread love wherever you go. First of all in your own home. Give love to your husband, your wife, your children, your next door neighbor. Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness. Kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.”

The third way to create your own happiness is to be flexible and cheerful. Our ability to adapt well and be cheerful is an indicator of our strength of character.

For several years, on our refrigerator at home was this saying: “Be pretty if you are. Be witty if you can. But be cheerful if it kills you!”

Usually, if our face smiles (even when we’re not 100% happy) our heart will follow.

The fourth key is happiness is to be passionate about something. People who open their eyes each morning and immediately look forward to something that they’re passionate about are usually interesting folks who focus on the positive.

My son David – an All-American swimmer – got up every morning at 4:45am all through high school to work out in an outside pool. Even in sub-zero weather. Why? Because he loves to swim and because competing in his sport of choice sings to his heart. What sings to your heart?

We need to schedule time for things we love doing – you can give love better from your overflow – so fill your cup! In my book “Believe It! Become It!” I talk a lot about how to do this.

The fifth key to creating your own happiness: Use Positive Self-talk and Healthy Self-fulfilling Prophecies

We want to turn self-talk from negative to positive:

Instead of negative self-talk like this:

  • “I’m so stupid!”
  • “I’m such a lousy mom”
  • “I’ll never understand this computer!”


  • “This isn’t what I’m best at, but I’ll keep trying and get better!”
  • “Each day I’m more patient and loving.”
  • “I’m clever enough to figure this out!”

The sixth thing we can do to create joy and confidence is to ignore our negative thoughts.

We all have thousands of thoughts each day. Some are going to be positive and productive, and others will be worrisome, fearful, covetous, etc. The question isn’t whether or not you’re going to have negative thoughts – we all do – it’s what you choose to do with the ones you have.

You really only have two choices. You can either worry about them, analyze them, think more and more about them, or you can dismiss them; let them go! When you have a thought – that’s all it is…just a thought. It can’t hurt you without your permission.

Think of your negative thought as a match which has just been lit. You can either blow it out immediately and stay healthy, or you can let it burn, hurt and scar you.

The choice is yours.

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Ambassador Mohktar Lamani, Former Director of the OIC (working with all Islamic Nations) at the United Nations

“Paula Fellingham has the wonderful ability of empowering people to improve their lives and their relationships. As she strengthens individuals and families, she is strengthening communities and nations by providing solutions that work.”


Jill Donnelly, Former President of the World Movement of Mothers, Paris, France

“Paula, you’re doing wonderful things to strengthen families in America. The good work you’re doing is needed now, more than ever before in the history of our world, as we sadly watch the disintegration of the family. It’s happening in every nation on the face of the earth. If only we had more women like you to lead families toward a brighter tomorrow!”


Deneen Morgan-Burley, Baltimore, MD

“Paula, I want to take the time to thank you for doing this for WOMEN. We need all of the encouragement, mentoring, and uplifting that we can get. More importantly, however, we need the LOVE. That’s what each of us felt radiate from you. I am grateful that our paths crossed and we are now a part of one another’s lives. I am so happy and thankful to be able to step forward and serve. May we continue to let our light shine as we do all we must to continue to be “Women Helping Women to live Our Best Lives.” God bless you. Keep smiling and making a difference in the lives of other women.” 


Val McCloud – Savannah, GA

“The time has come. I’m on a fast track now. Much has manifested since the Global Women’s Summit in Savannah. I’m in the early steps of having my own television show, clothing line and specialty food/water product line. I’ve also recently partnered with Delta to promote and expand their global healthy initiatives. I am their official spokesperson and will participate in their annual {my first} 5K on May 17 in Atlanta.  All things are possible when we believe.”  


Linda Pringle Evans, Columbus, Ohio

“Things are going extremely well for me. I am blessed and I thank YOU and the Global Women’s Summit experience for assisting my journey. The connections I made are everlasting. Because of you I have realized my 5 core services and thanks to the Global Women’s Summit, God, and Paula, I have also found myself!”


Gail Page, CA

“What a fantastic two days! I learned and re-learned so much. How lucky we were to have you visit our town and share your gifts with us. You and your group changed lives and helped us remember what is good in the world. What a blessing to all of us that you came! Thank you so much.”