“Creating Positive Change” Series – Part 5

By Dr. Paula Fellingham

Here’s the fifth blog in series of twelve called “How To Create Positive Change in Your Life”.

We’re going to go straight to learning a key skill. This may be the most important thing you learn today. I’ll teach you how to control your thoughts.

There are three steps: label; replace; focus forward.


Label your negative thoughts the moment they enter your mind. Like this:

  • “That was negative.”
  • “That was unkind.” (critical)
  • “That wasn’t like me…I usually don’t think negative thoughts.”


Replace your negative thoughts:

Replacing negative thoughts is best done by trying to ‘be’ the person you’re thinking about, with his life experiences, needs and desires. This requires you to put yourself in the other person’s position and consider why he’s speaking or acting as he is.

  • “I can understand why she’s doing that…it’s because she…”
  • “If I understood her better, I’d probably like her more. I’ll get to know her.”
  • “Hey – different strokes for different folks!”


Focus Your Thinking Forward

  • “I usually don’t think unkind thoughts like that. I’ll do better next time.”
  • “I might not have all the facts. I’ll learn more and then it’ll probably make sense.”

(For adults who regret their past actions)

  • “I made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time. Now I have more information, and I’ll do better in the future.”

The steps to change negative self-beliefs aren’t difficult but as with all things worth doing, it requires effort. And yet – don’t let yourself become discouraged if changing your thought patterns is hard. Your previous ways of thinking are habits, and it takes about three to six weeks to break a habit.

I’d like you to help me illustrate this. Right now, sitting wherever you are, will you please fold your arms? Just fold them quickly, without thinking about it. Thanks. Now, unfold them. Yes, please do this ~ just unfold your arms and put them at your sides. Thank you. Now….fold your arms again, but this time fold them again the OPPOSITE way. How does that feel? Awkward? Yes. Habit is so powerful.

It all comes back to the question, “How badly do I really want to change?”

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Ambassador Mohktar Lamani, Former Director of the OIC (working with all Islamic Nations) at the United Nations

“Paula Fellingham has the wonderful ability of empowering people to improve their lives and their relationships. As she strengthens individuals and families, she is strengthening communities and nations by providing solutions that work.”


Jill Donnelly, Former President of the World Movement of Mothers, Paris, France

“Paula, you’re doing wonderful things to strengthen families in America. The good work you’re doing is needed now, more than ever before in the history of our world, as we sadly watch the disintegration of the family. It’s happening in every nation on the face of the earth. If only we had more women like you to lead families toward a brighter tomorrow!”


Deneen Morgan-Burley, Baltimore, MD

“Paula, I want to take the time to thank you for doing this for WOMEN. We need all of the encouragement, mentoring, and uplifting that we can get. More importantly, however, we need the LOVE. That’s what each of us felt radiate from you. I am grateful that our paths crossed and we are now a part of one another’s lives. I am so happy and thankful to be able to step forward and serve. May we continue to let our light shine as we do all we must to continue to be “Women Helping Women to live Our Best Lives.” God bless you. Keep smiling and making a difference in the lives of other women.” 


Val McCloud – Savannah, GA

“The time has come. I’m on a fast track now. Much has manifested since the Global Women’s Summit in Savannah. I’m in the early steps of having my own television show, clothing line and specialty food/water product line. I’ve also recently partnered with Delta to promote and expand their global healthy initiatives. I am their official spokesperson and will participate in their annual {my first} 5K on May 17 in Atlanta.  All things are possible when we believe.”  


Linda Pringle Evans, Columbus, Ohio

“Things are going extremely well for me. I am blessed and I thank YOU and the Global Women’s Summit experience for assisting my journey. The connections I made are everlasting. Because of you I have realized my 5 core services and thanks to the Global Women’s Summit, God, and Paula, I have also found myself!”


Gail Page, CA

“What a fantastic two days! I learned and re-learned so much. How lucky we were to have you visit our town and share your gifts with us. You and your group changed lives and helped us remember what is good in the world. What a blessing to all of us that you came! Thank you so much.”