“Creating Positive Change” Series – Part 4

By Dr. Paula Fellingham

Let’s talk about our self-beliefs.

We each carry with us mental pictures of ourselves; our self beliefs. These beliefs may be unclear to our conscious mind, but they are there, down to the last detail. They’re our ideas about who we are, formed from past experiences, successes and failures, embarrassing moments, and the way people have treated us, especially during childhood. From all these experiences we mentally create a picture of ourselves. Once a belief goes into this picture it becomes fact to us and we don’t question its validity, but act upon it as if it were true.

Your self beliefs form the foundation for your personality and your behavior. Therefore, these self beliefs are the key to change because your actions are always consistent with your beliefs and your beliefs can be changed.

Because our actions are always in harmony with our beliefs, when we believe we’re successful we usually are – when we believe we’ll fail we find ways to validate that belief.

How about the child who’s told she’s no good in math?  Parents say things like, “None of our family is good in math. We just don’t understand it!” Other parents make similar comments about music or athletics.

Did anyone ever tell you that you weren’t a good singer, or that you were clumsy? Most adults can easily remember stinging comments like these.

Raise your hands if you ever heard a negative comment about your abilities when you were growing up.

Children who hear such remarks, day after day, soon come to believe them. They create self-talk that’s negative.“I’m just no good in math…none of my family is.” Or, “I could never make the team, so I just won’t try out.” Or, “Since I can’t sing, I shouldn’t take chorus and I’d make a fool of myself if I tried out for the school musical.”  Then, sure enough, they don’t excel in those areas, but they don’t ever think that the trouble may lie in their core beliefs about themselves – and those beliefs could be wrong!

And the saddest fact is – we sometimes carry these negative beliefs throughout our lives! We develop limiting beliefs about who we are and what we’re capable of from our earliest years and based on past failures, we believe we’ll fail in the future. But the wonderful news is – the past doesn’t equal the future!

How about the businesswoman who believes she can’t sell? Oh, she’ll agree she has good people-skills; she’s friendly and personable. But she was rejected by the first six people she tried to sell a product to, and now firmly believes she’ll never be a good salesperson.

“I’m just not good at selling!” she’ll explain. And sometimes, instead of saying, “I’m not a good salesperson,” she says, “I’m a failure.” And then she

allows her failure in one area to affect other areas of her life.

But there’s good news!

Dr. Maltz wrote: “Numerous experiments have shown that once the concept of self is changed, other things consistent with the new concept of self are accomplished easily and without strain.”

The key is you. You must:

  • Believe you can change and want to change your negative self-beliefs
  • Identify the beliefs you need to alter
  • Learn and use key skills

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

TESTIMONIALS

 

Ambassador Mohktar Lamani, Former Director of the OIC (working with all Islamic Nations) at the United Nations

“Paula Fellingham has the wonderful ability of empowering people to improve their lives and their relationships. As she strengthens individuals and families, she is strengthening communities and nations by providing solutions that work.”

 

Jill Donnelly, Former President of the World Movement of Mothers, Paris, France

“Paula, you’re doing wonderful things to strengthen families in America. The good work you’re doing is needed now, more than ever before in the history of our world, as we sadly watch the disintegration of the family. It’s happening in every nation on the face of the earth. If only we had more women like you to lead families toward a brighter tomorrow!”

 

Deneen Morgan-Burley, Baltimore, MD

“Paula, I want to take the time to thank you for doing this for WOMEN. We need all of the encouragement, mentoring, and uplifting that we can get. More importantly, however, we need the LOVE. That’s what each of us felt radiate from you. I am grateful that our paths crossed and we are now a part of one another’s lives. I am so happy and thankful to be able to step forward and serve. May we continue to let our light shine as we do all we must to continue to be “Women Helping Women to live Our Best Lives.” God bless you. Keep smiling and making a difference in the lives of other women.” 

 

Val McCloud – Savannah, GA

“The time has come. I’m on a fast track now. Much has manifested since the Global Women’s Summit in Savannah. I’m in the early steps of having my own television show, clothing line and specialty food/water product line. I’ve also recently partnered with Delta to promote and expand their global healthy initiatives. I am their official spokesperson and will participate in their annual {my first} 5K on May 17 in Atlanta.  All things are possible when we believe.”  

 

Linda Pringle Evans, Columbus, Ohio

“Things are going extremely well for me. I am blessed and I thank YOU and the Global Women’s Summit experience for assisting my journey. The connections I made are everlasting. Because of you I have realized my 5 core services and thanks to the Global Women’s Summit, God, and Paula, I have also found myself!”

 

Gail Page, CA

“What a fantastic two days! I learned and re-learned so much. How lucky we were to have you visit our town and share your gifts with us. You and your group changed lives and helped us remember what is good in the world. What a blessing to all of us that you came! Thank you so much.”